October 09, 2009

The English Class


FIRST MAN: Hey, aren’t we all in the same English course ?

FIRST WOMAN: Oh yeah. How’s it going?

FIRST MAN: Not bad—except I sometimes have trouble with my grammar, isn’t it? I mean, sometimes I perfect but other times I don’t, won’t they?

SECOND MAN: See, I’m alright with my grammar. My problem is spelling. I can’t spell to save my loaf.


SECOND MAN: Yeah. I have to rely on the spell chalk on my compluter.

FIRST WOMAN: Well, you know, look at it this way. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t eat it too. You know what I’m saying?

SECOND MAN: No, no, not really.

FIRST MAN: Oh, I think that she sometimes has trouble mixing metaphors, aren’t she?

FIRST WOMAN: Yeah. Sorry you guys, I’m always crying over spilt chickens before they’re hatched.

SECOND WOMAN: It’s alright for you all, I’ve got a very small vocabulary.

THIRD MAN: What’s that like?

SECOND WOMAN: It’s alright for you all, I’ve got a very small vocabulary.

THIRD MAN: That’s OK—I have problems with my emphasis.

FIRST WOMAN: Your emphasis?

THIRD MAN: Yes, my emphasis on different parts of the sentences. In my job that can cause a lot of awkwardness.

SECOND MAN: What do you do?

THIRD MAN: I’m a speech therapist.

SECOND MAN: A peach therapist that can’t spike priperly. Surprised your boss hasn’t sucked you.

SECOND WOMAN: It’s alright for you all, I’ve got a very small vocabulary.

THIRD MAN: Can I make a suggestion? Why don’t you purchase a dictionary—you’ll save yourself a lot of embarrassment.

FIRST MAN: I’ll tell you what. Why doesn’t we all try studying together, isn’t it? How doesn’t next week sound, didn’t we?

SECOND MAN: Grape idea.

THIRD MAN: Fabulous.

FIRST WOMAN: Yeah, you give ‘em an inch, it’s worth two in the bush.

SECOND WOMAN: It’s alright for you all, I’ve got …

ALL: Shut up!

FIRST MAN: Isn’t it!


Rachel Cotterill said...

Hehe :) Fortunately I've never seen an English class like that!

Jess said...

haha! Very funny!

French Fancy said...

I've always thought how simple the English language was when compared to French but maybe it's not - all those metaphors!

angus said...

So, the English classes are going well then, innit:)

Jenni Jiggety said...


English is hard!

Erin P said...

Hilarious, and I bet particularly so in your line of work. I'm in an Italian class now, so I sooo get it!

Polly-Vous Francais said...

Hilarious! And side-splitting for anyone who has taught ESL. Or maybe it makes us cry. Didn't we?

Barbara said...

Hi Dedene,

That is sooo funny !! Well done.
I enjoyed that very much ;)

Happy Monday to you.

Shanster said...

Who's on first?

Berowne said...

Great scene. Somehow it reminded me of my trip on a ship back from Indonesia years ago. There was a native barber on board so I had a haircut.

I made a trenchant comment on the then desperate world situation and he replied, "Yeah, well, that's the way it goes."


I later made another equally forceful remark and he replied with exactly the same words.

I decided to test him. I mentioned some ridiculout scheme involving the murder of my father-in-law and sure enough, he coughed up the exact same line.

He knew no English, but someone had taught him one phrase, coached him till he pronounced it correctly, and probably assured him it would fit almost any situation. It seems to have worked.